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In this edition of Meals Gone Bad we’re going to be visiting failure on a whole ‘nother level. This level of failure is deeper than that one friend we all have that drinks one too many Zimas and then thinks it’s a great idea to talk about life right in the middle of a crackin’ ass party. You know the type…but if you don’t…Here’s a hypothetical script:

Me: <talking to a girl at a party> …and that’s how I purchased my first rain pancho.
Girl: Huh, were you talking to me the whole time?
Me: Can I have your number so we can discuss this in further detail?
Girl: EXCUSE ME?! NO!!!
Me: <smiles and points finger about 1 inch from her forehead> Yes.
Girl: <rolls eyes and starts backing away slowly> I’m gonna go over there now.
Me: Awwww, our first fight. I’m gonna store that in my memory bank.
Girl: <turns around to walk away>

<Fast forward 40 years>

Me: Remember that one time I tackled you at that party?
Same Girl: Yes, then you went into my purse, stole my gum and my sim card.
Me: <smiles and points finger 1 inch from her forehead> …and that’s how true love was born.

<Fast forward 20 more years>

Preacher: …and here lies Caleb. A man with all his screws loose, but somehow had a long, fulfilling marriage and successful career as a professional checker player. Also, to clear up some questions, Caleb’s last wish was to be buried while wearing a knights suit of armor. You can please stop asking me now. Amen.

<end scene>

Alright, maybe that script wasn’t about a “deep for no reason” friend. Really, I just always wanted to tell my prediction story of how I will meet my wife.

I was inspired to buy this lemon pepper marinade from Fresh & Easy when I saw the picture on the bottle. I couldn’t wait to make my fish look like little tasty door stoppers.

I figure since I was going with the healthy fish then a healthy grilled green pepper would go quite well with my grilled Nemo.

To keep it healthy one hunned poecent I decided to grill the tilapia in foil rather than grilling it with oil. Oh, past Caleb, I have so much to warn you about. Mostly about how much this meal is going to mess up your day and the two days following that day.

Because I am such a scholar, culinary artist and avid Mario Kart player I decided not to put any type of oil to cook the green pepper. I just put the green pepper straight on the grill. It gets worse. I decided to put a handful of peas on the grill. Wow,  just wow.

The fish tasted like forest fire and the veggies tasted like what I would imagine expired astronaut food would taste like. Not only did the meal taste bad, but aesthetically it was the most unattractive dish I’ve ever cooked. If this dish was a movie director it would be the M. Knight Shyamalan of food. Well, at least I set a new bar. It was a low limbo bar, however, it was a bar nonetheless.

Back to the lab I go. Shout outs to my future wife and meals gone bad part #1 (you are no longer the wackest meal in the world).

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