Hello ladies and germs…and people with alien shaped heads. Now, get ready to have your mind blown to Reeses Pieces. You know that brown paper bag the Middle Eastern employee gives you when you buy a tall can or a 40 ouncer from the liquor store? Well, my friend, their are other uses to this bag besides disguising your tasty liquor beverage. WOW! I know, I know MIND BLOWING! I too was sceptical when somebody first told me this. Trust me, it is 100% true. In this post I’ll show you how to make a brown paper bag your best friend when it comes to fried items. It’s a quick lesson so keep up with me you scoundrals.

Lets do a little algebra sh’all we? It’s 2:34PM (Pacific Time) and I feel the need to wet my pallett. So I stroll on over to the liquor store and buy me a 40 ouncer of malt liquor. After paying for my item a heavy accented, brown skinned gentleman puts the said 40 ouncer in a brown paper bag. I go back to my place of residence and take the 40 ouncer out of the bag. I drink it. It’s quite delicious. I pee’d once during this whole process. Now, the question is….what color shoes am I wearing?

Congratulations…you are stupid for trying to solve the question. Anywhoo, let us get this lesson on the road.

For this quickie recipe all I’m going to need is a brown paper bag, italian seasoning….

and flour. If you salivate at the mouth because this looks like cocaine to you then I suggest that you check yourself into rehab…And don’t say NO, NO, NO! Cause you ain’t got the time, even ya’ daddy says your fine.

NOTE: Just because I used italian seasoning doesn’t mean you have to use italian seasoning. You can use whatever you want to mix with the flour. Don’t thank me, thank our soldiers in Iraq for that option. If they weren’t over there fighting for your freedom than you would be working in a factory making bootleg Air Jordans that don’t have the silhouette logo of Michael Jordan dunking. Instead, the logo would be a silhouette of Michael Jordan backhanding his wife while his 7 year old son is trying to pry him off of her. Think about it. Be happy that your free to mix whatever you want with your flour.

Anyways…dump your flour mixture in the brown paper bag.

Now throw your item of choice in the paper bag, choke the top of the bag like you just found your wife cheating on you with your old P.E. teacher, and shake it like a Mexican shakes a pair of maracas. I used my favorite fish, Tilapia, for my fried item. I also used two paper bags so if the flour mixture seeps thru the first bag the second bag will catch the loose flour. Thus, preventing the loose flour from making a mess on your kitchen floor. While you’re shaking your item like a polaroid picture you can go ahead and pre-heat some oil in a pan.

Then you fry them bad boys to your liking.

Here’s a bonus tip if you want to steam some vegetables. Roll your veggies in foil and throw them in the rice cooker while your rice is keeping warm. The steam you used to cooked the rice will steam your greenies. Close the lid and in about 7 minutes you’ll have some steamed veggies. AMAZING!

not really.

Cheers,
Caleb

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