Pizza is declared a vegetable by USDA

pizza is a vegetable Pizza is declared a vegetable by USDA

Unbeknown to me, a month ago pizza was declared a vegetable by the USDA. It seems as if the government has resorted to the shape matching method to classify foods. Apparently, any foods that are triangle shaped will now be considered a vegetable. So get your healthy on and fill up on all the tortilla chips your stomach desires. Also, if you can slice any food into a triangle that automatically switches that food into a vegetable.

You’d think it would be difficult to re-categorize a food, however, it’s a simple equation. All you have to be is a complaining money hungry corporation that supplies food to schools nationwide. It’s all explained here in this articleby Tom Philpott. In a nutshell, to meet the Dietary Guidlines for Americans rules (PDF)all you have to do is eat two servings of vegetables in your meals for an incredible diet. Sound great, right? Well, two servings of tomato counts. Pizza has two servings of tomato sauce so qualifies as a vegetable under these guidelines. Tater tots and French Freedom fries also count.     

Coming soon: Death of a 5th grader by vegetable clogging arteries. The vegetable in question – triangle shaped burrito. It’s okay though. It’s triangle shaped. Totally legal. No flag on the play.