It’s a rough life here in Southern California. First, the sun is always out and now California burritos are being spotted on strange traffic signs. This disgusts me.

Yup, you guessed it my friends. Burger King is just a front for Mel Gibson’s next level of insanity. You thought Braveheart and Burger King’s free French Fries give away for St. Patrick’s Day has no relation? Oh, they are more related than cousins in the backwoods. What’s ironic is how they’re giving away FRENCH fries on St. Patrick’s Day. Might as well give away chicken masala with a fortune cookie. The Irish do love themselves some spuds so maybe tater tots would be more appropriate.

Anyhow, don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, go get yourselves some free Burger King fries with Heinz green ketchup and have you some FREEEEEDOM!!!! Ahhhhh maaaaan, they should have called it a FREEDOM fries giveaway. Totally would have worked with the Mel Gibson theme. Damn it, sugar teets.

McDonald’s old men looking for women: how to pick up a lady

After some professional stalking of the 3^rd dimension, I’ve come to the conclusion that consuming green dye on St. Patrick’s Day will not have any long term effects on your health. Out of all the articles I’ve read, a few hinted that you might get the mud butt (diarrhea) and, in the worst case if you’re sensitive to the dye, might be farting under the sheets all night which will cause your significant other to not give you sex. So put on that Rondo jersey, throw on your green Stan Smith Adidas and get yo stank ass to the pub ASAP. Upon further research, I come to find out that the average adult consumes a small amount of food dye every day. How do you think that Gatorade got blue? Did you really think that coolant green energy drink came from an Amazonian plant. No, that is green dye. So funny how it’s called dye. You’d think that they would call the thing you put inside your body another name besides the thing you want to avoid the most in life – dye, die, death, you’s dead homey.

Anyhow (homey), if you still don’t feel comfortable putting dye in your body then you could always take a shot of wheatgrass and bourbon. Or just drink hella bourbon until you start to see everything in green.

The grass is always greener on the other dye. Haha yeah, that was corny but I wanted to be the first one to mint that phrase. You heard it here first (homey).