Can I play doctor, doctor for a second? Well, Mr. Doctor Therapist III to be exact. What do you see in the above picture? Some of you will argue that it looks like two oranges and a banana sitting on a fake mahogany wood desk (Group 1) and some of you will say that this “what do you see” game is dumber than wearing two gloves on the same hand (Group 2).

***walks back to the lab to analyze***
***walks back in the room eating a steamy Hot Pocket (the broccoli-cheese kind)***

Group 1: You type in all caps when you want to make a point. You flag Craigslist posts when you feel like an item is overpriced and then you wait for that person to repost their listing so you can flag it again. Even on the weekends your shirt has a collar on it. You have a CNN, FOX and MSNBC app on your iPhone. You have a haircut like Hank Hill. The second or third question to come out of your mouth when you meet a new person is, “So, what do you do for a living?”. You’re your own hero. You yell at your mom and tell her you’re busy when she calls to say hi. You don’t watch football, but you know how much all the popular athletes make. You play racquetball at 2pm on a Wednesday while wearing your Bluetooth.

Group 2: You dislike any and everything of popular culture because going against the grain gives you a sense of status. You tend to call groups of people “sheep” or “robots”. Some of you are so elite that you call groups of people “sheep robots” (my personal favorite). The less popular the band, the more you like them. If that same band ever starts to become popular then you call them sellouts. Even if deep down in your heart you enjoy a Rihanna song, your elitist status will not allow you to play Rihanna past .059 decibels. You have a Facebook account but signed up under an alias so nobody can find you, but you can follow old classmates that don’t put their profiles on private. You enjoy eating a fresh, cold carrot on a hot humid weekend day. However, if the masses ever caught onto the “eating cold carrots on a hot humid weekend day” thing then you would immediately stop doing that. You have a tattoo of a dead musician or political figure who was semi-popular in the 60’s or 70’s. Whenever you come across a white picket fence you have to dry hump it. Okay, I made that last one up.

Group 3: So, I didn’t mention Group 3 before because I wanted Group 3 to be a surprise. SURPRISE, MERRY BIRTHDAY!! Group 3 are the people that looked at the above picture and saw a fruit penis. Not in a gay way or non-gay way - you just saw a fruit penis. Your imagination leaks into your reality. You find meanings in songs that were probably never meant to be there. You call yourself weird. You laugh during serious parts of drama movies because as you’re watching the drama movie your mind is recapping some joke you heard earlier in the day. You enjoy a 4am bike ride through the city. If there is a beer bong at a party you will get on it. You eat fried food fresh out of the hot oil because, even though you already know it’s gonna burn you, you’re aware that the best part of fried foods are the first 10 seconds after they come out of the oil. Indian style is your favorite style of sitting. When somebody leans in to talk to you, you lean in with them.

Group 4: You’re shaking your head because I just grouped you. How dare me.

On second thought, I’d be the worst Mr. Doctor Therapist III on the planet. Hmmmmm, now I wanna be Mr. Auto Mechanic Man Jr. Maaaaaaaaan, I told you I’m low on food adventures and recipes. Okay, next post I promise will be a new recipe. I swear to your god.

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