House Party Cock Blocker Never Leave Guy

I originally wrote this on my deep-fried McRibpost a few posts down, but I feel it’s my duty to post it again so I can publicly out all the individuals that do this to their friends.  

party foul moocher guy thingy House Party Cock Blocker Never Leave Guy

I’m not gonna lie. I want to try this so bad. But if I were to lie, I’d probably say something like, “This is so retarded. And not the sad type of retarded that people are offended by when you say retarded. The kind of retarded when your buddy thinks it’s a good idea to stick around at the end of your house party when you clearly are about to score with a chick you met at the party and you are just waiting for him to leave, but he just keeps on hanging around, lighting up new cigarettes (the long, slow burning kinds too) and telling you why he bought Oakley sunglasses over the Ray Ban ones. And you’re keeping your responses to his dumb ass conversation super curt to give him a clue that his time is up. You even yawned and rubbed your eyes a few times to signify the end of the night. Eventually the girl that is waiting for you naked in your room puts her clothes back on and tells you that she’s taking off. So you have to do that awkward, semi-begging thing where you don’t want to lose your cool in front of you boy cause you don’t wanna look hella thirsty to get some vagina, but you were really hoping to get some vagina. So you try to find something smooth to say to the girl while your boy is eves dropping in on your conversation you and the girl are having in the driveway, but it comes out so un-cool. You probably said something like, ‘Awwww why you gotta leave?’ while you throw your hands up above your head in defeat. But you don’t realize that girls aren’t attracted to desperation so your chances of falling into some vagina is now 5.4%. Then as she’s driving off your buddy is at the front door shaking his head at you saying, ‘See, I told you that she wasn’t into you’. And you kinda wanna punch your friend square in his air holes, but you can’t fight your friend over a girl that you barely even know. However, you still want to let him know that he just totally cock blocked you and a punishment must be dealt. So 6 weeks later at his house party you do the exact thing to him. But this time he punches you square in the face for cock blocking him and y’all don’t talk to each other for the next 25 years.”

That’s what I would say if I were to lie. But I’m not gonna lie. I want that deep fried McRib in my mouth area neow.