Flaming Hot Funyuns: Onions From Hell

May 22nd, 2008 · 32 Comments

I was standing amongst the collar shirt army waiting for my food like any other day. My eyes were aimlessly shooting this a way and that a way. Another hopeless work day; another lackluster 30 minute lunch. But this day was different. A quiet, yet soft, voice in my head said, “Point your eyeballs to the rack of chips. What you’ve been waiting for your whole life is just a few steps away. Also, remember to pick up detergent…the kind that smells like ocean breeze.” So I trotted on over to said rack and what did I see????

BLAM!!!

I screamed out loud, “What in the United Negro College Fund is this!!?!? Are my eyes deceiving me!!?? If this is a cruel joke I will literally cry on the floor in the candy isle.” Nope-this was not a prank. I grabbed a bag and proceeded to hold it close to my chest like a little girl would do her favorite doll. Yes, I agree that a grown man hugging a bag of chips is an odd site to witness. But so are no arm pushups…and I am a man who loves his no arm pushups.

Flaming Hot Cheetos are my avocado facial. Funyuns are my shiatsu massage. For years I’ve been waiting for these two monsters of flavor to combine. This is all I’ve ever wanted in life. I can now die. Please bury me in a gigantic bag of Flaming Hot Funyuns.

Check out my review on Andy Capp’s Hot Fries

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Tags: junk food · unhealthy · deserts · reviews · mind body soul · food · Uncategorized

32 responses so far ↓

1 Kelly // May 23, 2008 at 3:24 am

OMG.. is this TRUE? This is intimidating.. flaming hot oniony goodness? I feel like.. nothing in life will ever compare.
2 OUT OF MY MIND // Jun 6, 2008 at 7:01 pm

THIS IS AMAZING ALMOST TO AMAZING HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE FLAMING HOT FUNYUNS A GIFT FROM GOD IF I CAN EVER FIND SOME
3 Caleb // Jun 6, 2008 at 10:06 pm

@ Kelly: Nothing will compare? I wouldn’t say nothing…have you ever tried jacuzzi sex?

@ OOMY: …most likely a gift from a big time stoner.
4 FloraB // Jun 8, 2008 at 4:52 pm

I found some in the store yesterday in the large bag. I have been eating them nonstop since. They are the most wonderful thing I’ve ever had, to this point Flaming hot cheetos have been my favorite food, this might just win…I wonder if they are a regular thing now.
5 Caleb // Jun 9, 2008 at 1:39 pm

I’m wondering if their a regular thing now too. I always want to buy like 15,000 bags of them whenever I go shopping just in case they are just a limited thing. hmmmmmmmmmmmm, I could make so much profit if I stock up now and they stop selling them.

Think Crystal Pepsi.
6 Burnincoco // Oct 29, 2008 at 5:22 pm

You’ve got to try em with Lime, You’ll be transported to a magical land of Flames!
7 Caleb // Oct 30, 2008 at 6:48 pm

Hmmmm, really? Lime…wow. I can’t imagine how they would taste in my head. I’ll try it and get back to you with that one. I have a bag of limes in my fridge.
8 Frank // Nov 23, 2008 at 12:50 pm

These are AWESOME, I’m just outside of St Louis and I get like a bag a day
9 junior // Nov 25, 2008 at 8:45 pm

where can i order flamin hot funyuns
10 Caleb // Dec 23, 2008 at 3:49 pm

@ Frank: A bag a day? Hmmmmmm, I can see myself doing that.

@ Junior: It’s crazy caused I Googled “order flaming hot funyuns” and I came up with nothing. It’s crazy because right now I could order a battery for my razor, a used snorkel, download blueprints to a time machine, and learn about Hitler’s crazy old ass…..BUUUUUUUT…I can’t seem to find an order link to flaming hot funyuns. If you really, truly want some sent to you I have no problem shipping you a care package. On your tab of course. Drop me an email: caleb3000@gmail.com
11 Kerstin // Jun 19, 2009 at 2:14 pm

“What in the United Negro College Fund is this!!?!?” OH GOD I LAUGHED SO HARD I CHOKED.

And yes, the funyuns are beautiful ;__; My addiction to Hot Cheetos has been destroyed to make way for this new, amazing addiction.
12 Caleb // Jun 23, 2009 at 3:03 pm

Kerstin, I am sorry I almost made you choke. However, that was the first time when choking was not so bad of a thing. I’m glad you’re addicted to these bad boys. Hmmmm, I guess that’s the first time that addiction is a good thing. Hmmmmmmm, how about an addiction to choking? Now that is a the way to go.
13 Andy Capp's Hot Fries = Nastiest Chips Ever | Easy Recipes - Food For Thought, Food For Your Mouth // Jul 14, 2009 at 1:22 pm

[…] out our review on Flamin’ Hot Funyuns. Bookmark […]
14 Tiffany // Aug 30, 2009 at 6:17 pm

Funyuns are SO. DAMN. good, I loved them ever since I was a kid.. it’s like.. crack to me.. can’t.. stop.. eating.. Now they have “Hot Flamin” kinds? I’m sorry for all you ‘Hot Flamin Funyun” lovers out there but I just don’t see how this kind is so much more different then Hot Cheetos… They taste the same to me.. Don’t hate me! I’m just a fellow Funyun lover expressing her mind! So…don’t hurt me… because I’m beautiful.
JK on the last thing ^^;
15 megan // Aug 31, 2009 at 1:33 am

Have you tried the wasabi flavored Funyuns?
16 Caleb // Aug 31, 2009 at 3:30 pm

@ Tiffany, how dare you come to my site and disrespect me and my hot funyuns haha just kidding. Sometimes the flamin’ hot taste could over power anything, but I personally think it’s a nice mix with the onion flavor of the Funyun. Maybe you should do that move with the butterknife like you over toasted bread. Just scrape a little off the top.

@ Megan, ohhhhh yeah Wasabi Funyuns are good too. A little stingy in the nose, but very good.
17 Calbee Shrimp Chips | Easy Recipes - Food For Thought, Food For Your Mouth // Jan 5, 2010 at 5:08 pm

[…] Check out our review on Flamin’ Hot Funyuns Bookmark to: […]
18 Flamin' Hot Fritos | Easy Recipes - Food For Thought, Food For Your Mouth // Jan 15, 2010 at 5:03 pm

[…] Check out our review on Flamin’ Hot Funyuns. […]
19 HoneyB // Feb 27, 2010 at 1:53 am

4 all Flamin Hot Funyun lovers like myself, if you go to the following link
http://www.fritolay.com/our-snacks/funyuns-flamin-hot.html
and on the left side of the page click on “where to buy” put Funyuns in the box click continue then it will ask what kind of funyuns, flamin hot of course then put in your zip code & bam u will get a list of stores where 2 buy the best snack since flamin hot cheetos were invented!!!
20 Caleb // Mar 1, 2010 at 5:10 pm

Good find HoneyB. Now if you can find where we can buy Crystal Pepsi you will be crowned the champ of all food finding champs.
21 HoneyB // Mar 2, 2010 at 4:30 pm

Ok so far I have found out that Crystal Pepsi was discontinued somewhere between 1996 or 1999. There are people selling collector bottles unopened on eBay but as for the fresh from the Pepsi plant drinking bottle I emailed Pepsi about that.
Stay tuned for there reply
22 Caleb // Mar 4, 2010 at 2:55 pm

Ohhhhhh we’re getting closer and closer now. I can smell the carbonated water already.
23 HoneyB // Mar 5, 2010 at 6:13 pm

Dear Honey,

Thank you for taking the time to contact us at Pepsi-Cola. It’s always great to hear from our loyal consumers.

As you may or may not know, we’ve stopped producing Crystal Pepsi. In the past, Pepsi had distributed this flavor in several markets, but it didn’t sell as well as we had hoped and so it was discontinued.

There are no current plans to reintroduce this product, but I’ll be sure to forward your comments to the appropriate individuals here.

Again, many thanks for taking the time to contact us. We appreciate your friendship and support.

I tried buddy
24 HoneyB // Mar 5, 2010 at 6:16 pm

My previous post was a copy of the reply email I received from Pepsi. The emoticons were my touch, just thought I clarify that for anyone who would say thats not real. No company would use emoticons.
25 Caleb // Mar 8, 2010 at 2:41 pm

Honey B - Wow, way to research it!!! It makes me sad (very sad) that they’re not bringing Cyrstal Pepsi back out. If only I was of drinking age so I can experiment on the millions of tasty possible drinks that Crystal Pepsi could have made.
26 megan // Mar 8, 2010 at 9:01 pm

If you want Crystal Pepsi back, I would suggest you Tweet to Conan about how you miss (1) his show (2) Crystal Pepsi and (3) having the two together. He seems to love helping people on Twitter these days. Just saying
27 MEL // Mar 10, 2010 at 3:33 pm

Yo!! I stole a bag of these from a house party on NYE…I cried like a baby.
28 Caleb // Mar 17, 2010 at 3:05 pm

Megan - Or maybe I can tweet Crystal Pepsi and ask it to bring Conan’s show back? Dunnn dunnn dunnnnnn

Mel - I wouldn’t exactly call it stealing if the people left it out during a house party. I’d call it stupidity on the part of the homeowner. Kinda like leaving some bomb out, calling over your weedhead friends and then later wondering why all your herb is gone. However, if you had to go through the cabinets to take the Hot Funyuns…well…I’d call it, “doing what you were supposed to do”. Hot Funyuns…what a trophy.
29 Kirsten // Apr 13, 2010 at 4:08 pm

So.. The other day I was walking down the street with a few friends and I decided that it may be a good idea to walk in the store. For two reasons, 1 I had to pee, and 2 I wanted something to snack on.. Usually I would go reaching for a bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos, which have I yet to mention are the best thing in the world, I eat at least a bag a day! My favoritest snack in the world, but anyhow, I was making my way down the isle where the hot cheetos are located, and as I went to grab for a bag, I noticed these Flamin Hot Funyuns! I decided that I should try some… Now I have a bag of either Flamin Hot Cheetos, Flamin Hot Muhnchies, OR NOW FLAMIN HOT FUNYUNS!
30 Caleb // May 6, 2010 at 2:06 am

Question: When you say ‘pee” does that really mean ’steal’? Let’s be honest.
31 Myda // May 21, 2010 at 7:01 pm

i frist found them at the coner store by my home then ever time after that they didnt have them any more until i went to winco and found the big bag i love them so much i can eat them all day ha!!
32 jade // Aug 12, 2010 at 8:16 pm

yea they are the most delicous things ever been addicted to them for a long time.wish i can stock my room up