Flamin’ Hot Fried Fish

Just a quick side note before I start this recipe. As I was thinking of an opening line for this post a commercial for the new Trojan Ecstasy condom came on the TV. The commercial said that both sides of the condom are lubricated. One side lubed for him and one side lubed for her. OR one for him and him…if you play on that team. To say the least, this is a great idea and I can’t wait to play the rated R Slip N’ Slide with a full pack of Trojan Ecstasy condoms. On the other hand, the condom could possibly be so lubricated that the man could slip all the way inside the lady. The miracle of birth in rewind if you will. Yuck.

So, after a hefty dose of condom talk, I’d like to introduce this recipe. Ever since my tongue sampled Flamin’ Hot Cheetos I always wanted to combine the crunchiness and flavor of the Flamin’ Hot with the meaty flavor of meat. The killing of my brain cells caused by recycled airplane air, liquor drinking and Marijuana smoking has slowly dehanced (<–is that a word? Should have I said un-enhanced? I like dehance better) my memory. So, this lack of hard drive space in my head has always made me forgot to try this recipe out. Until tonight….

This recipe starts out with a small 99 cent bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos. As you can see, Flamin’ Hot Cheetos look similar to mini red caveman clubs.

Now take your bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos and crush them into a nice powdery texture. I said crush them. YOU CRUSH THEM NOW!!! HARDER YOU DAMN DARK SKIN ASIAN MONKEY WITH A SPANISH LAST NAME!!! Wow.

Phew! I ain’t a player I just crush a lot.

To make sure you crushed the Flamin’ Hot Cheetos hard enough, chop up a line, roll up a dollar and…You know what? Just go ahead and eye it. I hope my sponsor doesn’t see this.

Crushed. What’s really great about using Flamin’ Hot Cheetos to bread meat is that you don’t have to spice the meat up prior to breading. This is because Flamin’ Hot Cheetos has all the spices you need already. This advantage makes for quick preparation. At this point you can go ahead and heat up some oil to high heat.

You can use any type of meat for this recipe. I used two tilapia fillets because tilapia is my favorite kind of meat. Now scramble two eggs and coat your meat in the egg so the crushed Flamin’ Hot Cheetos will stick to the meat better.

Another advantage of using chips to bread meat is that chips already come in a bag. You don’t have to pour your breading material in another bowl. All you have to do is throw your meat in the bag and shake until the meat is covered evenly.

BAM!!! Imagine french kissing this tongue.

Toss your breaded meat in oil set to high heat. Depending on what type of meat you use you’re cooking times will vary. Fish usually takes 3-5 minutes, chicken takes 6-8 minutes and beef can take anywhere from 4-8 minutes depending on how you prefer your beef (rare to well done).

Yeah, I know the outcome looks like the meat somehow contracted a rare strain of tropical leprosy. However, as soon as you take a bite you’ll soon realize that your meat inherited the awesomeness of a threesome with two hot doctor ladies. Yes, I said it. Was that immature? Yes it was. Why did I say it? Because I just downed a cup of Theraflu and I need to finish the post quickly before I pass out with my ass out.

I love to eat fried foods with the dipping sauce that all Asian-Americans love: sriracha and ketchup. I think next time I’m going to try to bread some chicken drumsticks with Funyuns. That should make for an interesting dish. Whooo, this Theraflu is really kicking in now. It’s time for me to shake hands with the sandman. Till the next one…y’all keep your pee-pee’s in your pants now.