Bar M Hot Link Sandwich

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Bar M brand hot links are considered the Cadillac of uncircumcised penis shaped meats. If you are homophobic and insecure with your sexuality, Bar M hot links will probably make you run to the 24 Hour Fitness to do some bench presses and fight the employees. Yes, they are that sexy. However, for you people that are secure with whatever your sexual preference is, Bar M hot links are the keystone in your sandwich arch. Yes, they are that necessary.
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This recipe starts off with two Bar M hot links. Notice how the right link is spooning the left link. This is an indication that the love is strong. The stronger the love the better the meal. The better the meal the bigger the bowel movement. The bigger the bowel movement the more expensive the water bill. The more expensive the water bill the more hours you have to work to get a bigger pay check. The bigger the pay check the more prostitutes you can purchase. The more prostitutes you can purchase the more years in prison you will spend. The more years in prison you spend the higher the chance that you will get spooned like the above picture of the hot links…and we are back full circle. Nice.

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Preheat your pan at high heat for about 5 minutes and then lower to medium heat. Throw your hot links in the pan. You’re going to want your links to cook evenly inside and outside so take a knife and slit the links right down the middle. Use a tong or fork to hold the links steady while you make the slit.

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Once the links start cooking the slit will automatically part without the help of Moses.

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I was going to say something about ladies and spreading, but I don’t want to offend any ladies reading this. Instead, I will say this: I wish all women find happiness as effortlessly as beauty found them.

***kiss the kiss ass chef***

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Turn over to cook evenly. Don’t worry, it’s okay if your hot links start to leak oil. Is it me or does this recipe sound real perverted? I swear I’m not doing this on purpose. You will cook each side for about 2 minutes for the hot links to be cooked all the way through.

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The totally radical very awesome gnarly thing about hot links is that they oil up the pan for you. Which is perfect for this recipe because all you have to do now is crack two bird ovaries onto the pan.

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They say you can tell a lot about a person by the contents of his/her fridge. So, let’s take a break from this recipe to see what’s in my fridge. I have two jugs of water which were left over from a party I had about a month ago for my very awesome neighbor friend. Next to the water jugs is a tupperware with cake left over from the same party. My neighbor friends were so kind enough to pack up the cake for me and send it my way. Unfortunately I did not eat the cake in time and it is currently growing a science experiment in there. Sorry cool neighbors, I owe you a new tupperware thingy. On the middle shelf is a carton of eggs which provide me with about 85% of my food intake. On the top shelf is the fantastic Blue Bonnet butter for buttering things that need to be all buttery. On the top door shelf I have Country Crock spread, Sriracha hot sauce and ketchup I use mostly to compliment my potatoes on those days when my money is acting all stuck up. On the middle door shelf I have silk screening chemicals (the stuff that creates stencils for making tshirts) in a plastic bag. Right next to these toxic chemicals is a bottle of O’Connor’s Coffee Liqueur so I can make White Russians on those days where I just want to drink my STD’s away. Also on this middle shelf are various condiments from fast food restaurants that I’ve decided aren’t worthy for the trash can. And that my friends is the fridge of a…well…you guess what type of person I am.

Hmmmmm this will be interesting. Back to the recipe…

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I love my sunny side up with the crispy sides. I think sunny side up eggs work best with this recipe because when the egg yolk breaks and touches the hot link it activates some sort of delicious chemical reaction that only German born scientists can summarize.

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Toast your bread in the same pan that you cooked in so the hot link flavor can soak up in the bread.

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Damn it. I Wesley Snipes’d my bread. However, in true “raised in a lower-middle class home” fashion, I will eat the bread anyways or my universe will feel all off balance.

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Now take your Bar M sexy hot link, your sunny side up egg and stack them on your bread. Booyakasha!!!

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Swish, swish very deelish.

Chill preppy, she needs those pills. She has to sing. I’M SOOOOOOO EXCITED!!! I’m so scared icon cry Bar M Hot Link Sandwich